In defense of Dad
Today is Father’s Day, and this whole concept of fatherhood has me especially troubled right now. Because of some issues in my personal life, I fear my own time with my four-year-old son is going to be severely reduced.
I know in my gut that kids - both boys and girls - need their fathers. Of course, there’s plenty of studies to back that up.
Studies of young criminals have found that more than 70% of all juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes. Children from broken families are nearly twice as likely as those in two-parent families to drop out of high school. After assessing the studies, economist Sylvia Hewlett suggested that “school failure may well have as much to do with disintegration of families as with the quality of schools.”
Then there is the emotional price that children pay. In her 15 years tracking the lives of children of divorced families, Judith Wallerstein found that five years after the split, more than a third experienced moderate or severe depression. After 10 years a significant number of the young men and women appeared to be troubled, drifting and underachieving. At 15 years many + of the thirtyish adults were struggling to create strong love relationships of their own. Daughters of divorce, she found, “often experience great difficulty establishing a realistic view of men in general, developing realistic expectations and exercising good judgment in their choice of partners.”
For boys, the crucial issue is role modeling. There are psychologists who suggest that boys without fathers risk growing up with low self-esteem, becoming overly dependent on women and emotionally rigid. “Kids without fathers are forced to find their own ways of doing things,” observes Melissa Manning, a social worker at the Boys and Girls Club of Venice, California. “So they come up with their own ideas, from friends and from the gangs. Nobody is showing them what to do except to be drunk, deal drugs or go to jail.” Then there are the subtler lessons that dads impart. Attorney Charles Firestone, for instance, recently decided it was time to teach his 11-year-old son how to play poker. “Maybe it will help if he knows when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em,” he says.
With my current future in question, I find myself gaining a greater appreciation for the time I do have with my son and I know I need to make the most of it. Today, I’m going to be spending as much time as possible with my boy. It doesn’t take much to make him happy - a trip to the park, a game of puzzles, a little bit of wrestling around playing “tickle tummies”, spending time with him and his favorite cartoon, a game of hide and seek, and he’s good.
If you are a father, even if you are far away from your children, I highly encourage you to connect with them in some way today - and every other chance you get.
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I’d love to write something profound and brilliant about this post - the feelings are there, but I don’t have the words. I do know that time and love mean everything to a child and make huge differences in their lives. I wish you the best outcome.
No worries, my bro, you are an awesome dad. I wish I could have half of your patience! God must have given you that ability ’cause he knew the spitfire he was going to give you! Hope you had a great day. Next stop Cali!
BTW - supposedly there is internet connection at the condo - not that we will have time.